I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
