why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
