This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
