sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
