From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found the puke drawer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
