On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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