My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
