first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
