He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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