i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
