I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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