We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
