Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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