It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
