the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
