True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
