His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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