Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
