the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
