im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
