He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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