WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You pole danced in your parka.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
