Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
