saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
