I'm passing your future prison.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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