Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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