Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We have started to decorate penises.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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