You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
