I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
