I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
