I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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