It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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