Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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