I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
