"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
