I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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