dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
