you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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