R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
