worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
