i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
