butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
