I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
