She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
