He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
