I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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