Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
