I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
