i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
