Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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