At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
