No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
