So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
