Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
